Popping Glass Deathtrap

Who needs visibility? You do. Panoramic fish-eye vision lets you stare down every eldritch abomination hiding in the pitch black. Throw in countless unintelligibly labelled buttons, and the unnerving crackling ambience of thin glass supports straining under three hundred atmospheres worth of pressure, and you have our newest creation - the Poppin' Glass Deathtrap.

The Poppin' Glass Deathtrap gets its name from its ability to trap death itself. With the world's smallest airlock, and a confounding maze of see-through window walls, even the grim reaper would struggle to escape the asphyxiating void that is the cabin. Built custom made to repel both boarding parties and interns, the Poppin' Glass Deathtrap is unmatched in onboard defenses. With the swing of a crowbar, any surface becomes a sucking vacuum capable of venting a would-be pirate into the cold, crushing void of Europa's ocean. And like any good DIY project, whatever welding job you do can't possibly be worse than what was there before.

With a whole mess of turrets and a smattering of turbo-strength discharge coils screwed into the hull, this windows-only monster is best described as "all glass no gas", mostly because we forgot the oxygen generator. With state of the art hull staples, such concerns are a thing of the past, as each new Poppin' Glass Deathtrap has a second shuttle tacked on solely to provide life support. That's right, you buy the Poppin' Glass Deathtrap, and you'll get another submarine (warranty) free!

With our revolutionary Gravity Aware Water Drainage Double Airlock Mechanical Manifold Integration Technology (GAWDDAMMIT), docking the sub is done with two crew members to double the accuracy. Never again listen to your crew fall asleep while you dock, because one lucky copilot will be wide-eyed and cursing while waiting to press the docking button on a second, unwired emergency terminal, as 10,000 tons of glass scrape along the concrete walls of a very alarmed station.

While some might cry about the lack of internal structure, nothing could be further from the truth. The structure is provided by the masterful balance of load-bearing electronics, skeletonized frames, and one particular deconstructor that should never be moved. We've even taken the liberty of making sure that the roaring irradiated nuclear reactor isn't technically touching any glass, for better or worse.

The depressurized captain's cabin was an inspired choice, allowing any enterprising sea dog to have a luxurious forty cubic feet of privacy. The captain's cabin comes stock with a bed, faux oxygen vent, and a secure steel safe for keeping all the drugs a seperatist kingpin could smuggle. A handy "coat hanging loop" is included, courtesy of the last captain who remained intact after making use of the emergency eject function.

The open ballast design you've come to know and love has made a return, this time being padded with soft "safety glass" that lets it double as a swimming pool! Creative engineers will be able to make use of the pump on the Selkie to create a waterfall-and-tub style bath, or a sauna if volatile fulgurium rods are left at the bottom. The possibilities are endless, and if any patrons need to be asked to leave, then never despair! The days of engaging in a back-and-forth word swap known as "talking" are over, and the future of a two million volt electric discharge array are here. Due to the insulating nature of glass, we had to throw in some extra amps, but rest assured that one push of the captain's "Intruder Repellant" button is all it takes to turn a disagreement into a barbecue.

Being a Tier 2 ship, there's a higher standard for what features a sub should have. So we've actually added dark mode. To offset the fact that the sub is made of glass, we've had to make sure that the dark mode kills all the lights, including the one the doctor uses to operate in the makeshift battlefield theatre on top deck. Seeing as a Tier 2 sub needs a Tier 2 crew, kindly inform any crewmates complaining about "needing to see to repair deadly metal machinery that isn't even turned off" that what they are experiencing is known as a "skill issue".