Excursion Conundrum

This was going to be a Hammer map with custom visuals, music, dialogue, secrets, surprises, and awesomeness. But it isn't, because Hammer is the most buggy, unintuitive, confusing, overcomplicated program I have ever used... It's very powerful but I just don't have the patience to watch many hours worth of work go down the drain because hammer stops working, or to spend 5 minutes compiling a map only to see that the character has spawned in an infinite black void rather than inside the test... I'm sorry to disappoint you all, but I'm not going to use hammer ever again probably, i don't have the time for what little aesthetic detail it gives... Besides, people like my puzzles because of their clever, challenging solutions, their intuitive designs, the fact that they are lit well and look good, and because they're simultaneously challenging and fun: according to comments I get, anyway. This puzzle isn't even that challenging, and I'm not happy with it, but I've wasted my time on it so I'm publishing it anyway