Shafted

Hey there, Cave Johnson here, CEO of Aperture Science. If I'm right, and I am, you're thinking two things right now. First, "Cave, what IS this unbelievably efficient and incredibly expensive science doodad in my hands?" Second, "Why am I in this maintenance shaft?" Don't worry, Hero of Science, I have answers for you. That wonderful piece of technology in your hands is an Aperture Science Handheld Portaling Device. The reason you're in our primary maintenance shaft is because it is broken. Very bad, whole place might explode any second. We'd ask the guys in maintenance to fix it, but I fired them last week, bunch of wimps wouldn't even clean the Mantis Chambers! Anyway, that's where you come in. You fix the maintenance shaft, we pay you a fine wage of $20, hard cash, up front, as a check in the mail.

Oh, and you might also be wondering why you think our top scientists and/or janitors went to the local park and beat you and everyone else there senseless before kidnapping you for testing. Don't worry about that, it's a hallucination, common side effect of being beaten over the head by a bunch of moonrocks.

Anyway, good luck in there soldier, if you come out alive you can move on to the break room, we've got a nasty bug problem in there.

(Thanks anon that improved upon the original version.)